Chapter 88 – Determinedly move forward
This is not the first time Hazel has heard Renly sing. In the hospital, Renly has accompanied the children with his guitar and piano many times, but this is the first time Hazel has heard Renly sing seriously, a song she has never heard before, with a faintly poignant melody, a poetic heartfelt piece.
All the emotions were subtle, like water plants entwined in the melody, rising and falling gently with the tide of the sea, the serene notes even calming the lights under the night; but the emotions hidden behind the notes were so real and so raging that they slammed into her chest with a hidden sting.
Hazel suddenly thought of herself. It seems that her dream has not had a chance to set sail and has been strangled in the cradle. Her weak body has become an inescapable shackle, imprisoning her steps. Although she has never expressed it on the surface, deep down in her heart, she resents this world and is discontented with it.
But if even she gives up, who would fulfil her dreams?
“I didn’t know you are such an excellent singer,” Hazel’s voice broke the tranquillity in the courtyard, and the hint of an imperceptible sniffle giving away the woeful state she had just been in.
Renly turned around, and when he saw it was Hazel, a smile crept up on the corner of his mouth. “It’s just a hobby,” he replied simply and casually. “The sky is getting dark, and it’s too windy outside. Let’s go inside.”
“Don’t worry about me, I’m not a fragile doll,” Hazel retorted nonchalantly, rolling her eyes. Then she took a step towards the bench.
Every step was so challenging for her, and you could even see her legs trembling as if she was walking on the edge of a knife, struggling to move forward. For most people, walking is the simplest of tasks, but for her, it was currently one of the most difficult challenges, along with eating, drinking, and breathing.
Although walking for Hazel was incredibly difficult, Renly didn’t get up to help her. He knew that Hazel’s condition wasn’t that severe yet; she could still walk on her own, just a bit slower. He also knew that what Hazel needed was respect and trust, not pity and sympathy. She had received enough care from her parents and nurses. She needed someone who could treat her independently, equally, and normally, making her feel like more than just a weak patient.
At least that’s what Renly thought in his previous life when he was lying in his hospital bed. Even though he knew such thoughts were very naive, he still insisted on them. That’s why he always longed for friends.
It was only a short distance of six or seven steps, but it took nearly two minutes for Hazel to reach the bench, and when she did she carefully sat down. She let out a long, uncontrollable sigh, and her entire body relaxed.
Silence slowly spread, but Renly wasn’t in the rush to start speaking. He waited for Hazel to catch her breath before she broke the silence herself, “What was the name of the song you just sang? I’ve never heard it on the radio before.”
“I came up with it on the spot just now,” Renly said frankly. To be honest, the impromptu creation that he sang just now was quite casual, with lyrics that lacked a narrative style but exuded a poetic feeling.
The same song will have different interpretations in different situations and evoke different feelings with different audiences. Of course, different performance settings will also convey different meanings. Tonight, it was about Hollywood.
“‘Monster,’ the name of this song is ‘Monster,” Renly casually said, “What do you think?”
Hazel didn’t speak but pondered it silently. The name “Monster” seemed to have nothing to do with the content of the song she had just heard. The sadness and loneliness, the sense of being alone, all seemed to be disrupted by the song’s title. But upon closer reflection, Hazel fell silent.
Monster – a beast, surviving in the jungle relying on its instincts, surviving in the natural struggle for survival, walking alone on the path of survival, a beast marked by scars but tenacious in the cruel wilderness, primitive and coarse, naked and fierce, lonely and unrestrained.
Hazel heard Renly’s voice, but she was lost in thought, so she just unconsciously said, “Huh?”
Renly couldn’t help but smile and shook his head, “Nothing.”
Hazel seriously examined Renly’s appearance, his eyes hidden behind thick eyelashes, like a mysterious and profound night sky, with endless darkness, yet filled with intriguing patterns and halos, containing the mysteries and profundities of the universe, the fleeting beauty of the utmost moment.
“I never knew that you could perform so wonderfully,” Hazel exclaimed. “I mean, I knew you are an outstanding actor, and ‘The Pacific’ is truly a remarkable work, but your performance just now was…” Hazel paused for a moment, seemingly searching for the right words and sentences to describe her inner feelings. “It was unforgettable and it left a lasting impression.”
Renly had never mentioned his profession; almost no one in the hospital knew he is an actor. If someone hadn’t accidentally seen “The Pacific,” everyone would still be in the dark. In fact, Renly is not just an actor; he is an astounding one.
Hazel is not a part of this industry, so she doesn’t know how to judge someone’s acting skills, but she could feel that that powerful performance touched her heartstrings, sparking intense reflection that couldn’t be stopped, truly immersing her in Eugene Sledge’s world.
After she finished speaking, Hazel shook her head, not entirely satisfied with her choice of words, but couldn’t come up with better ones and could only wave her hands in frustration. “That was the only motivation for me to watch that series for the second time. But I had no idea your music is so… moving.”
Yes, moving, genuinely touching the deepest strings of her heart, soft and warm, like the ultimate lonely sunset, warm enough to bring tears to one’s eyes.
Renly gave her a broad smile. “Thank you for the praise. Even though I suspect you’re trying to flatter me, but… thank you.”
“Flatter?” Hazel widened her eyes, displaying a disdainful expression. “I do not need to flatter you. If your music was terrible, I’d be the first one to pounce on that, trust me, I’d be ruthless.” Hazel’s exaggerated words made Renly’s eyes squint with a hearty laugh. “I just think, maybe, possibly, you are an outstanding actor, but an even more outstanding singer. You should share your talents with other listeners, like the song you just sang.”
“Direct hit,” Renly covered his chest, looking sad, “I thought you said my performance was brilliant.”
“Of course, of course,” Hazel hurriedly started explaining, “I meant that the scope of ‘The Pacific’ was limited, still your performance was excellent. But the role itself restricted your creativity…” She then noticed the mischievous smile at the corner of Renly’s mouth and realized that Renly was teasing her. Annoyed, Hazel turned her head, puffed up her cheeks, and refused to continue the conversation with Renly.
“Hehe.” Renly’s laughter overflowed lightly, “I know what you mean. Acting is my profession, and music is just a hobby to cultivate my emotions. Compared to music, I enjoy the process of acting more. Of course, it’s also possible that I’m a talentless amateur wasting my life, but…” Renly shrugged and spread his hands, “Without persistence, who knows?”
Hazel was amused by Renly’s teasing remarks and was about to speak, but then she remembered that she was sulking at Renly. She turned her head, then turned it again, and finally gave up, looking at Renly with a displeased expression, “I didn’t mean that. You are indeed a superb actor, but I just feel that your music… can move every listener.”
“If I say you’re not the first person to say that to me, would it make me look conceited? Will it affect my image?” Renly said with a serious tone, resting his chin on his hand.
“Pfft.” Hazel couldn’t hold back and burst into laughter, thinking about it carefully, feeling helpless, and laughing more and more joyfully, which also made Renly laugh. After finally stopping, Hazel sighed softly, “You know, with your jealousy-inducing talent, you might make some enemies.”
Possessing enviable talent but squandering it.
Geniuses are always like this, making people admire them, making people appreciate them, but also making people hate them. Just like Wolfgang Mozart, who was gifted but also arrogant, and Antonio Salieri, who went from being amazed by Mozart to envying him and then to feeling jealous of him, finally turning all these emotions into resentment, slowly driving Mozart to a dead end.
Renly spread his hands and said, “Is this praise or slander?”
“This is both praise and slander,” Hazel, like a little adult, said seriously, but her demeanour only lasted for three seconds before she broke into a smile. “I can assure you that you will become an excellent… no, a great actor, just like you can be an unknown but great singer. So, it’s my honour to know you.”
Renly’s heart couldn’t help but be slightly moved. Although “The Pacific” proved his abilities, the words of Elizabeth and George had always lingered in his ears. From a young age, they didn’t support Renly’s so-called dreams, not only because acting in movies was a lowly profession for aristocratic families but also because they always believed Renly had no talent for it.
Genius is actually a pejorative term because only when you enter a certain class do you realize that there are too many geniuses in this world, countless geniuses, but very few geniuses can truly achieve success and make a name for themselves. In fact, in real life, geniuses often have a troubled destiny, often die prematurely, and in the end, it’s the worldly clever people who have the last laugh.
With the surname “Hall” hanging on him, Renly has seen too many geniuses when he was young, real geniuses. So, he never considered himself a genius, and even questioned his own acting talent. But this has never shaken his dreams, with him taking a step by step to this point.
Looking at Hazel in front of him, Renly chuckled dumbly. He had already made a choice a long time ago, didn’t he? So why hesitate? Isn’t the hesitation, indecision, struggle, and confusion he felt in his previous life enough? What will the future be like? Only by moving forward can he find out, right?
“Hazel, I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?
T/N – Look forward to the next week 😁😁.
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