Chapter 27 – Small test
Following the baby’s cries, Eugene went to the innermost part of the house, and then saw the baby lying helplessly bawling on the floor, tiny, dirty, fragile baby.
The body was covered in blood and stained with the traces of war, innocent cries with the purity that does not belong to this world; corpses surrounding them and cutting off all signs of life, the rotten smell of death pervades unrestrainedly, the newborn innocence and joy announced the baby’s life in the midst of cries, similar to the poppies blooming on rotting corpses, demonic and deadly.
Eugene’s feet couldn’t help but slow down, he didn’t want to get any closer, his hands slowly let go of his rifle, looking blankly at the baby with a hint of confusion, the little life whose face was red because it was crying too much, not knowing what to do.
He just stood there, quietly, his narrow eyes wavering, so long without the scent of new life that he had forgotten what life was like. His face, covered with stains, was cold and detached, but vaguely revealed a hint of panic and helplessness, and even a hint of disgust and rejection, which appeared in the gloomy, sparse light.
Merriell also came over and looked at the crying baby, stunned, his eyes could not help but to slightly redden, and yet he just stood in place, as if Eugene’s feet had drawn an abyssal boundary that could not be crossed.
Merriell also came over and looked at the crying baby, stunned, his eyes could not help but to slightly redden, and yet he just stood in place, as if Eugene’s feet had drawn an abyssal boundary that could not be crossed.
Following Eugene’s line of sight, looking up, Merriell saw the big hole in the roof, the cold wind was pouring in recklessly, making people shiver, and the baby’s cries made the wind sound sullen and gloomy, “Many people have blasted mortars towards this place.” The corner of Merriell’s mouth could not help but show a scornful smile.
How ironic, isn’t it? In the midst of war, soldiers die in rivers of blood, but what’s even scarier is that the innocent civilians also perish into the wind, and no one really cares.
“It doesn’t matter.” Eugene said calmly, his expressionless face seemed as if he could clearly see the process of life fading a little bit, the fragmented pain flickering at the bottom of his eyes, an indescribable sadness and despair spread out between his lips and teeth. It turns out that indifference also has a color.
Another fellow soldier came in behind them, looking at Eugene and Merriell, who were frozen in place, and couldn’t help but get a little angry, “What the fuck are you two standing around for!” He stepped forward and carefully took the baby into his arms.
Eugene himself did not realize that he took a step back, he actually took a step back, a trace of fear emerged on top of his cold face, as though the vigorous life would swallow all the courage and determination from his body, and then again expose his softness and vulnerability.
The baby was carried away, without anyone noticing Eugene’s abnormality. Merriell confirmed that the others were dead and then turned to follow, leaving Eugene alone, still staring blankly at the baby’s mother – lying on the ground with her breasts bared, cold and without any warmth, it seems that one second she was nursing her child, and the next second she was already separated from the world.
Eugene’s eyes could not move away from the body lying in a pool of blood. He watched motionlessly, and quietly, as time flowed slowly over his shoulder, it was so cold that even the angels could not open their wings. Then, Eugene turned away, the unrestrained emotions just rippled a little, and then returned to calm again.
He blinked his eyes as if nothing had just happened. Dead silence.
Eugene left the innermost room and was about to go out when he heard a movement, all the body’s hairs stood up, he subconsciously clenched the rifle in his hand, survival instinct / instinct made the blood smell began to spread again, “Japan ……” behind him came the intermittent choked voice.
Eugene raised his rifle, turned and cautiously approached, then saw behind the curtain of straw an Asian-looking woman, collapsed on a pile of straw, her mouth opened wide as she struggled to breathe, her eyes raised as if they were a stagnant pool of water, and when she saw Eugene, her eyes rolled gently, still without any light, but doing her best to say again, “Japanese ……” and then raised her hands, pointing to the pattern behind them, as if to say: the Japanese had killed all her family.
However, she no longer had the strength to languish, tilting her head, seemingly seeing clearly the process of life being lost from the body, she just stared at Eugene, a trace of yearning in the depths of her eyes, begging for something. But, Eugene remained indifferent.
Eugene coldly looked up and down, just quietly watching. He is not enjoying it but neither is he suffering, he only has a calm look on his face, as if he is watching the clouds roll in the clear sky, calm and peaceful, there are no fluctuations in his eyes amidst the filth and blood everywhere, a vague sadness and loneliness gently rippled out, as if he could see the transparent ethereal soul marching on the empty road to the Yellow Springs.
Then Eugene saw the grenade she was holding in her hand, and his gun was raised again, and that predator-like vigilance broke out instantly, so much so that he could even clearly feel the tensing of his muscles all over his body, requiring only a slight movement, and the whole man would be able to run out wildly and easily reap the life of his enemies.
Seeing Eugene’s action, woman nodded slightly, and a hot tear fall down, as if…as if she was begging Eugene to end her life. Woman reached out and lifted her shirt, the cut belly was revealed, bloody intestines and viscera flowed all over the floor.
She was pleading to Eugene to end her suffering.
Eugene remained in place, his emotions rippling and even his movements began to get slow, he just looked at the woman from above, she did her best to reach out her right hand, trying to grab the barrel of Eugene’s gun, but he remained indifferent. Death, to him is too commonplace, the same can also be said for his fellow soldiers.
Finally, Eugene made his way forward, just two small steps, and then stood next to the woman. He preferred to be near a corpse than a baby.
The woman grabbed the barrel of Eugene’s gun that was hanging down, then pointed it at her brow and closed her eyes in relief, her intentions couldn’t have been clearer. Eugene put his finger on the trigger, an action he knew best and which had evolved into an instinct. He couldn’t count how many people he had killed, how many of them were Japanese, how many were innocent civilians …… and how many were mistakenly friendly soldiers.
The finger slightly retracted, with just a little force, he could end this woman’s suffering, and for him, it was just a simple little action in his daily life, not much different from eating and drinking.
But, he hesitated.
The woman exhaled with a sigh of relief, as if all the pain in her body had dissipated like a tidal wave, but the image of the baby crying just now came to his mind. The deep eyes rippled with a slight relief, and yet it was painful. He closed his eyes in panic, hiding his true feelings, and then dropped his right hand, not being able to pull the trigger after all.
What is he fighting for? What is he really holding on for, killing for, and surviving for? Where the hell is God now? Isn’t God supposed to save the world and love the world? Wasn’t God supposed to send down Jesus to bear the suffering and calamities of mankind? Then why is this woman lying here, then why was that baby lying here, why are their fragile lives fading away, why did all those multiple innocent people die? Why did God choose him, why did those people die and why is he still alive?
Why? Why on Earth?
Woman noticed the gun dropping and reopened her eyes, then she saw Eugene’s deep eyes that had a painful struggle underneath them, and she dropped her right hand in disappointment and looked at Eugene sadly and desperately. Immediately after, the woman saw Eugene’s cold, iceberg-like face slowly softening and faintly shimmering.
Eugene exhaled gently, bent down and put the gun aside, then held the woman in his arms, and slowly embraced her head into his chest, the warmth of the breath made the woman show a comfortable expression, as if the pain was instantly eased considerably.
Eugene looked down at the blood-soaked woman, bitterness dancing gently on the tip of his tongue, he could not help but raise his right hand and gently stroke the woman’s jaw with his thumb, as if he was caring for his lover, focused and serious, the rigid lines of his face slowly melted away.
The woman gazed at the soldier, faint light spilling through the door panel of the wooden house, sparsely, the soldier’s eyelashes like butterfly wings obscured the real emotions in his eyes, she could only catch a glimpse of a corner, and soldier’s fragile soul was slowly, slowly falling apart, as if witnessing the collapse of the whole world, grand and magnificent, watching as the good, innocent, simple, friendly and sincere soul was little by little drawn away from the life force, the firmness of faith gradually dissipated, from the soft gold all the colors are slowly receding.
The woman couldn’t help but raise her left hand, patting Eugene’s arm weakly, closing her eyes with difficulty and drawing in the faintest touch of warmth.
When he looked at the life in his arms that was crumbling, Eugene closed his eyes uncomfortably, covering up the glistening water in his eyes completely, and the refracted glow in the corner of his eyes was extinguished in the twinkling of an eye, as if it was the last trace of God’s mercy and kindness. Then, Eugene took the woman into his arms, his chin pressed against the woman’s forehead, and he exhaled a soft, gentle breath, fearing that he had awakened the sleeping angel.
Woman, thus fell asleep for eternity; God, abandoned them for good.
Thanks for the chapter. Memento mori